About the Author

Dan lives in southern New Mexico, but grew up in the Los Angeles area where as a kid he visited Disneyland often. He met his wife of 33 years in high school and remembers attending Grad Nite at Disneyland with her in 1977. For many years, Dan was a professional boxing judge in New Mexico, and his collection of boxing videotapes and DVDs is among the largest in the United States. In 2009, however, his dormant Disney gene sprang to life following a trip to Disney World, and he treats his condition by writing for his blog, The Disney Fountain of Youth, which accurately describes the medicinal properties of frequent visits to the happiest place on earth.

Disney Swag: The T-Shirt

Get yours now!

Subscribe to Disney Dispatch Digest

And receive a daily email summary of new stuff on the site.

Disney Tale of the Tape

by Dan Sisneros

People have always squabbled over which whatever at Disney is better. You like the Contemporary, I like the Polynesian. You like Cinderella, I like Pirates. It never ends! But now it does. Dan Sisneros, for years a professional boxing judge for the state of New Mexico, rings the bell for biweekly bouts between classic and not-so-classic Disney rides, resorts, and more. Dan tells the tale of the tape, then calls the action until a winner is declared.

Pollo Campero vs. Earl of Sandwich

JAN 17In a battle sure to wet your appetite, 2 of Downtown Disney's beloved counter service restaurants face off in a 7 round battle. Can the Mexican underdog score the upset? Let's get ready to crumble!

Big Thunder Mountain vs. Matterhorn Bobsleds

OCT 24 A heavyweight battle in the largest sense. This is where the big boys play! It's East vs. West nd this 7 round fight for the heavyweight title is a thriller. Dan gives us the play by play.

Boulangerie Patisserie vs. Writer's Stop

SEP 12 This battle is sure to be sweet. The French Welterweight Champion Boulangerie Patisserie vs. Hollywood Studio's Writers's Stop. Dan gives us the play by play.

Maelstrom vs Living with the Land

JUL 30 The trolls of Norway Pavilion's Maelstrom seek to trounce the vegetative but violent denizens of Living with the Land in an undercard match sure to be notable for a clash of styles between the spirit of Norway and the science of aquaculture.

Journey into Narnia vs Swiss Family Treehouse

JUL 16 In today's undercard, a grizzled veteran (Swiss Family Treehouse) takes on a fledgling fighter (Journey into Narnia) eager to show his chops in the ring. The crowd buzzes in anticipation of this classic match-up between age and attitude.

Boatwright's Dining Hall vs Kona Cafe

JUL 2 In an unlikely match-up, Boatwright's Dining Hall drags its dinner-only gut to the ring for some pre-match, down-home trash talk with its toned, tanned, and tattooed opponent, Kona Cafe, a fan favorite known to pack a potent Polynesian punch.

Magic Carpets of Aladdin vs Triceratop Spin

JUN 18 We've seen nimble Aladdin float like a butterfly in the ring before, but can even his stings stop the pure power, the lumbering charge of his opponent today, TriceraTop, a grizzled, ornery, cold-blooded fighter from the very dawn of boxing time.

Dole Whip vs Mickey Premium Bar

JUN 4 Many consider Dole Whip unbeatable in its division: like Apollo Creed, it plays to the fans, and the fans eat it up. But now, wrapped in cellophane, mounted on a stick, comes the up-start, the chilly challenger, Mickey Premium Bar. Yo, Min-NIE!!

Cantina de San Angel vs Flame Tree Barbecue

MAY 21 The favorite, Flame Tree, knows how to whip up the fans with smokey smack talk, but some think it's just a show, a spectacle, and that the well-chiseled contender, La Cantina de San Angel, has the cajones to stage an upset tonight in Margaritaville.

Jungle Cruise vs Kilimanjaro Safaris

MAY 7 Do you like your beasts animatronic or animalistic? Dan Sisneros presents eight epic rounds of tooth 'n claw action, a genuine rumble in the jungle, between the grizzled, joke-spewing Jungle Cruise and the newcomer - the killah! - Kilimanjaro Safaris.

The British Invasion vs Off Kilter

APR 23 In the red corner, wearing Union Jack shorts - The British Invasion! And in the blue corner, wearing matching kilts - Off Kilter! Preeeeeesenting: Battle of the Disney Bands! Dan Sisneros expects a clean fight, no sour notes, and may the best band win!

Figment vs the Caballeros

APR 9 In today's bout, a handicap match, the small but feisty Figment from Journey into Imagination faces off against the potent but perennially squabbling trio of the Gran Caballeros. Dan Sisneros expects a good, clean fight, and he promises a clear winner.