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About the Column

People have always squabbled over which whatever at Disney is better. You like the Contemporary, I like the Polynesian. You like Cinderella, I like Pirates. It never ends! But now it does. Dan Sisneros, for years a professional boxing judge for the state of New Mexico, rings the bell for biweekly bouts between classic and not-so-classic Disney rides, resorts, and more. Dan tells the tale of the tape, then calls the action until a winner is declared.

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FROM: Disney Tale of the Tape Published Every Other Saturday

Maelstrom vs Living with the Land

The trolls of Norway Pavilion's Maelstrom seek to trounce the vegetative but violent denizens of Living with the Land in an undercard match sure to be notable for a clash of styles between the spirit of Norway and the science of aquaculture.

It's the battle of the boats in tonight's match-up. Scientific boxer (Land) vs pure brawler (Maelstrom). The Viking warriors of World Showcase set sail for Future World to invade the sterile and controlled world of The Living with the Land boat ride. Two attractions with completely different styles will climb into the ring and make for a great main event!

Let's go to the center of the ring where Disney Dispatch ring announcer Bob McLain is ready with the introductions...

MAELSTROM

Location: Norway Pavilion: Epcot World Showcase

Opened: July 5, 1988

Ride Length: Approx 10 minutes (5 ride, 5 movie)

Vehicle Type: Viking ships

Theme: Adventurous sailing trip through Norway's mythology and history, followed by a movie about modern day Norway

LIVING WITH THE LAND

Location: The Land Pavilion: Epcot Future World

Opened: October 1, 1982

Ride Length: Approx. 15 minutes

Vehicle Type: Canopy-covered boats

Theme: Gentle cruise through the Land Pavilion's different lab areas

Let's go straight to the action!

ROUND 1: The Queue

Both attractions have simple but somewhat interesting queue areas.

Living with the Land winds you around a waiting area where the walls are brightly painted with sayings from different people about the Earth and Nature. As you continue around the corner and see the boats lining up for boarding, it is a very pleasant scene that sets you in the mood for your casual journey.

Maelstrom feels very different. The switchback queue area feels more enclosed. Dark. Even a little threatening. The paintings on the walls are detailed and tell the story of the adventure upon which you are about to embark.

Neither queue is exciting. I don't know what the other two judges are seeing in this round, but to my eyes the spirit of adventure trumps the spirit of discovery. I give the edge, ever so slight, to Maelstrom in the opening round, 10-9.

ROUND 2: Stars of the Show

Maelstrom features the people and creatures of Norway. Polar bears, trolls, and oil rigs each make memorable appearances during the ride, and the people of Norway themselves are the stars of the movie you can watch (but may skip) at the end.

Land starts you off with some audio-animatronic animals, but the stars of this show are real. On display in the domed greenhouses, courtesy of modern, innovative farming techniques, are produce and fish grown here for subsequent consumption in various Future World restaurants. You feel like reaching out to pick some of the fruit and vegetables.

Maelstrom's cast of characters is pretty fun, but the edge in this round goes to Land on my scorecard. Its crops and fish hold the attention of both adults and kids surprisingly well! Round 2 goes to Living with the Land, 10-9.

ROUND 3: Ride Vehicles

Maelstrom's Viking ships appear to be made of rugged wood and help to put you into the requisite mood for adventure. They look functional.

Land's simple canopy-covered boats encourage you to sit back and relax. Nothing more. Unless Disney had designed these boats in the shapes of floating eggplants or zucchinis, there isn't much that Land can do to sink the well-crafted boats of Maelstrom.

Maelstrom's brutal style asserts itself, taking the round a solid 10-9.

ROUND 4: The Ride

This is a big round for Maelstrom. As far as the actual ride, or should I say, the movement of the boat, the crafts in each attraction do exactly what they're supposed to do.

Maelstrom takes you on a more aggressive journey, with a few little climbs, and dips, and even waterfalls, though it is in no way a "thrill" ride. But it still provides enough movement to keep you on the edges of your seats.

The boats in the Land gently glide along from start to finish, giving you time to take in all of the facts and displays being offered. Nothing wrong with that, and it works great.

Norway Pavilion's Maelstrom takes this round, almost with a 10-8 score, but Land didn't go down despite the big blows being delivered by its opponent, and even fought back enough to keep it in the 10-9 range.

Round 4 goes to Maelstrom, 10-9.

Land isn't ready to fall, but Maelstrom has gotten in many powerful shots half-way through this bout.

ROUND 5: Theme and Appearance

These attractions have vastly different themes.

Land is one of Epcot's "educational" attractions. You would think that kids would find this very boring, but my kids loved the ride (way back when), and I know others with kids who look forward to it, as well. Adults enjoy the theme, too. Agriculture, advanced farming, and using technology to help feed the world. Bright and clear, it's a theme that fits well in Future World.

But there is a bit of fun thrown in, such as the violent, unsettling storm in the early part of the ride. The calm, recorded voice of the on-boat narrator assures you that everything is "okay". Next, you enter the farming and greenhouse sections, where you are totally captivated by the displays. All in all, the learning is effectively leavened with interest and even a bit of excitement.

Maelstrom is also a marvelously themed attraction, though in a much different way. Based more in fantasy than science, history than agriculture, the ride is darker, more mysterious, almost scary. The boat ride is fantastic, and when it's over, you disembark in a Norwegian fishing village to queue up for a movie about modern Norway which, though not terrible, is somewhat dated.

It's a good round for Land, 10-9. Land fans are sensing a change in the momentum of this bout! They begin chanting "Let's go Land, Let's go Land!"

ROUND 6: Technology and Imagineering

This is a tough round to score. The technology edge goes to Land, the Imagineering edge to Maelstrom. But there's just enough of a difference to come up with a clear winner.

Land is totally based on technology: modern farming techniques. It took great Imagineering to make this attraction work without being boring. A great blend of technology and Imagineering create a solid attraction with a good re-ride-ability factor. Land scores well in this round and begins to feel confident.

Maelstrom features tried-and-true Imagineering techniques, such as Audio Animatronics and dips. The dark and shadowy look of some of the scenes is well done. Some of the characters are very simple but well-placed. It's a nice mixture of Imagineering and simple tech. The movie portion is very simple and seems pale when compared to modern theatre techniques. No giant IMAX screen, no multi-screens, no 3-D, no 360 degree screen, just a basic movie. Plenty of beautiful scenery and color, though.

It's Land, again, with 10-9. Land has taken back-to-back rounds, and with just two more rounds left in the bout, this fight is up for grabs! The chanting gets louder.

ROUND 7: Location

Location can often make or break an attraction. In this battle, it doesn't "break" either of them, but it definitely aids one of them.

In a place with only two "rides", Maelstrom is THE star attraction of the huge World Showcase area. The entry to the ride takes you through the Norwegian village with its stone walls and Norwegian music playing in the background. You can see the waterfall in front of the attraction, and you get an occasional peek at the Viking ships through the tunnel above the waterfall. It's a beautiful location that makes you eager to board the ride.

Land used to be the star of The Land Pavilion's stable, but when Soarin' moved in, well, that was that. Hordes of excited guests line up for Soarin', and now Land is an after-thought for some guests. Of course, many of the guests who do enter the Pavilion solely for Soarin' will also queue up for Land before they leave. Still, being located inside a pavilion just doesn't feel the same to me as the open and inviting feel of the outdoor setting at the Norway Pavilion.

Just when Land was getting back into this bout, it gets ROCKED with a huge left hook from Maelstrom that wobbles it back into the ropes. Now Maelstrom steps in and goes to work with a flurry of shots that makes Land grab its opponent, forcing the referee to separate them and giving Land time to recover.

The bell sounds, and Land slowly make it back to the corner. Maelstrom pounds its chest and feels that it may have just sealed the deal. Big round for Maelstrom - 10-8 on my scorecard!

ROUND 8: Intangibles

A few intangibles in this round.

Maelstrom and Land both offer FastPasses. One thing in Land's favor is the nearby Sunshine Seasons eatery that is very popular and has lots of choices, lots of seating, and is just steps away from the queue for Land. Since it's such a mild ride, you can eat first and then ride it, or ride it and then eat!

Boat ride for boat ride, Land gives you a 15 minute experience as opposed to the 5 minutes you'll get on Maelstrom.

Everyone can ride Land, and while everyone CAN ride Maelstrom, little ones may become frightened. My granddaughter didn't get to ride either attraction on our last visit (when she was 15 months old), but will probably ride Land next time, and possibly Maelstrom as well (when she's 2-1/2 years old).

Land offers the "Behind the Seeds" tour which isn't too expensive and takes you on a trip into the labs and workings of the attraction. It's a 60 minute tour that can really make you feel like a "V.I.P." when you go "behind the seeds".

Maelstrom shows signs of fatigue, probably from throwing so many hard punches. Living with the Land senses this and goes for the KO but doesn't land the big punch. The bell rings and the bout ends with Land getting a 10-9 round on my scorecard.

JUDGES' FINAL SCORECARD

It was an action-packed bout with both warriors giving as good as they got. Just as the oddsmakers predicted, this fight can go either way. It's in the hands of the three judges now.

Let's go up to our tuxedo-clad ring announcer... Bob Mclain... for the decision:

"La-DIES and GEN-tleman, we have a SPLIT decision... (gasps, moans, and groans from the audience).

  • "Judge Ole Swensen scores the bout 78-74, Maelstrom
  • "Judge Bob Plant scores the bout 77-75, Land
  • "...and Judge Dan Sisneros scores the bout 76-75 for the winner by a Split Decision:

"MAELSTROM!"

A mix of cheers and boos goes up from the crowd. The big 7th round was the difference in this razor-thin decision.

In the post-fight interview, Land said, "If it had been a 10 round fight, we would have pulled it out!". Maelstrom said, "Next time we'll use clubs and swords instead of gloves!" I doubt there will be a rematch.

More: DISNEY TALE OF THE TAPE

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