Pirates 4: Critics Say Sink, Bob Says Arrr!
The first Pirates movie was an unexpected thrill. In the second and third films, the thrills were expected, and so became gradually less thrilling. Many critics have panned the fourth film, On Stranger Tides, released today. Maties, are ye daft?
Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides opened today to mostly negative reviews.
That's not surprising, because many movie critics (even the venerable but fusty Roger Ebert, who gave the film 2 out of 4 stars) love to shoot broadsides into successful franchises filmed for folks like you and me.
On Stranger Tides is the best installment since the original.
It has several things in its favor: it's the shortest film of the series (a mere 128 minutes), it dispenses with Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley (who really should have walked the plank long ago), and it introduces not only more pirates (in the form of Ian McShane's Blackbeard and Penelope Cruz's Angelica, his daughter) but zombies and mermaids, too!
Ironically, the plot of the movie is a search for the Fountain of Youth, but the movie-makers themselves seem already to have found it.
What a shame that Johnny Depp reportedly has little interest in a fifth film.
About these movie critics...
Peter Travers of Rolling Stone writes that director Rob Marshall was "polishing a giant turd" while making the movie. Right after having an orgasm in print over Woody's Allen new film, Joe Morgenstern of The Wall Street Journal somehow channels Penelope Cruz and claims that she never wanted to be in the movie. And in a startling flight into the incomprehensible, Erik Childress of eFilmCritic writes:
"On Stranger Tides severely suffers from simplicity trying to blanket the brain cramps experienced by those who chose not to keep up with many of the unappreciated intricacies of its predecessors, regressing the franchise to a level where no Smartwater can make you remember that you actually saw a fourth film."
Thanks, Eric. I just got a brain cramp myself.
I'm not sure whether anyone still relies on 'the critics' to help them determine which movies to watch, but if anyone still does, I'm your critic today, and I say:
"I smiled, I clapped, I ate popcorn and didn't notice the fake butter dripping off my chin."
Roger, that's a thumbs-up.