Pizza Flyer Mafia Threatens Disney Tourists

Disney World supports arrest, prison for pizza flyer thugs

- by Bob McLain, January 31, 2011

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If you've spent much time at Disney World, you've probably returned to your room once or twice and found a pizza flyer shoved under your door.

These pizza flyers are not from Pizza hut. They typically advertise the daily specials over at Uncle Scungill's who runs a little shop in the alley behind the fake Rolex warehouse.

Disney doeesn't want you to have these flyers.

Disney, in fact, supports a bill pending in the legislature that would empower police to collar the wise guys who distribute them, seize their cars, and possibly put them under a bare light bulb to sweat out their meatball recipe. The bill's sponsor links pizza flyer distribution to reported cases of burglary, assault, and rape.

In fact, State Representative Kevin Ambler last year described the pizza flyer thugs as "part of an organized crime syndicate". Lobbyists for the Central Florida hotel racket agree.

When last introduced, the bill didn't pass. It now has more support and has gathered steam. Irresponsibly stoking hysteria among tourists probably is good for a few extra votes.

If you're worried, the solution is simple: throw the flyer away.

Because if you don't, you know what will happen.

Your pizza will be delivered by two large men. The pizza will have pepperoni on it. You didn't order pepperoni. They don't care. The pepperoni, by the way, costs a hundred bucks. Pay up. If you don't, they'll unravel your towel animals. In front of the kids! And then the pepperoni will cost two hundred bucks. Pay the freak up.

Or else.

Don't stop there! More Tidings Await...